Psychological self-help books versus face-to-face therapy

Well, this is weird.

Firstly, the feeling of discomfort, that I am about to say something publicly that contradicts lots of expert voices in the counselling and psychotherapy realm. And secondly, that I’m then going to contradict myself. Messy.

So firstly, I want to express my frustration at seeing some highly-trained psychotherapeutic experts recently claim that you can ‘heal yourself’ without therapy, if you just buy their book or attend their course, and follow their method at home. Frustration because:

1.       Being ‘healed’ isn’t a realistic end goal. Healing is achievable, but it’s also a lifelong iterative process (according to many other experts with lived experience of psychological or emotional difficulties). Good mental health requires regular maintenance, therefore:

2.       I dislike the concept of offering a low investment (of money and of time) way to tick the ‘self-care’ box. I think it's healthier for psychological self-care to be higher on everyone’s agenda, not to be viewed as a chore we should put minimum effort into. Not everyone can afford to go private, but the NHS and certain charities can offer free or low-cost options.

3.       Putting yourself out there, face-to-face with a therapist, is scary. Offering people a ‘within your comfort zone’ option is great – I believe in choice. But it’s not offering the same chance to grow within a healing relationship. To identify your relational patterns. To experience acceptance from another, thus go from insecure to secure. Some people simply NEED to experience a positive relationship to heal.

4.       Yes, you can read a book to help you reflect upon your own thoughts and perspective. But if you want or need to broaden your perspective, you need outside input, preferably from a qualified relational therapist. Humans can't see our own blind-spots.

5.       This one irks me the most, because it affects me personally. We individuals who have gone through the (emotionally and financially gruelling) training to become a psychotherapist don’t appreciate the implied message that self-help books are better and cheaper than what we offer. They aren’t comparable propositions.

6.       Sadly – and this is controversial, but I stand by it – the experts who claim you can just ‘follow their method and heal yourself’ are highly unlikely to be preaching what they practised. If you doubt this, just consider – or better still, ask them – how many hundreds of hours of private therapy, and of psycho-education, and of clinical experience, did they have under their belt before they developed their method and then healed themselves?

And now here’s the bit where I undermine what I’ve just said.

In an ideal world it wouldn't be an 'either-or' choice between books and therapy. There would be 'both-and' availability for all.

I think there is a very valid place for self-help guides, apps and courses that teach people helpful techniques, or offer them some psychoeducation that might help them feel less alone, more validated and have a better understanding of themselves. There are many reasons why some people might not be ready or able to come for face-to-face counselling.

And – crucially – I do accept that self-help tools can sometimes be enough to turn the dial down on someone's psychological discomfort, to get back to a feeling of being in control. Especially if their problems are recent. But most clients that I see have felt that something wasn't right for many, many years. Some have never felt in control, never known what they want, never felt good enough, never felt at ease. A book is not likely to cure such ingrained, chronic issues, and it can only address what people in general struggle with.

But what I, and many relational therapists offer is much more than “some people need to do this and they’ll feel better”. We'll address your specific, unique experiences and situation.

And now I realise why this matters so much to me.

Yes, partly because I sometimes feel undervalued and misunderstood, but mainly because therapy also suffers being undervalued and misunderstood. I believe that those of us who work in the field and have seen life-changing progress made by our clients, know better than to promise that our book will fix you. We know better and we should do better to demystify and promote good therapy. Then we might help more clients to ease their suffering through genuine human connection.

Experts can still sell their books, share their insights and valuable expertise. But without dissuading or delaying people from seeking the help they need. That's why I feel so strongly.